I wrote this for my writing class today and I made my professor in tear. Enjoy reading it. Feel free to comment.

[...] 21^st August 2005 at 7:20 PM, time in Phnom Penh it was the first time that I am leaving my country to study abroad in Norway. She said to me on the phone “Pheak, no matter where you go, I still be here waiting for you and we will be the best couple ever.” The only feelings I remember is her promise and voice. I know that you might not understand what I am talking about. Yes, I am telling you a true story about my first only romantic life experience that I ever had and never forget. Her name is Daline, she is very nice, smart, kind and beautiful girl, living in a high class family in my town in Cambodia. We were together for almost three years, counted from the beginning of our relationship until the day I got the invitation letter to her Wedding on the first week when I got back home last summer. It wasn’t fair for me; I was a happy high school graduate who holding in his hand the International High School Diploma from UWC, waiting to show his family and his girlfriend.

28^th May 2007 at 11:00 AM I arrived at the international air port of Phnom Penh. What I remember was that, immediately when I got home, I got out from the car and my mum came right away to me and gave me a hug. She told me that: “Don’t call your girl friend yet, she’s sick right now. Her parent doesn’t want anyone to bother her.” It was true that she is sick, but there were also reasons behind this confusing atmosphere that I got when I arrived home for summer vocation.

1^st June 2007 at 1:00 PM accidentally, I found a wedding invitation labeled written “To my dearest Pheak” I thought it wasn’t for me but I insisted to open because curiosity. After I opened the letter, all my blood was rushing into my head and ready to blow out. I was shaking, frightening, nervous and full of confusion. For the whole day, I cannot do anything; I tried to pretend that it was just a nightmare that I used to have while I’m sleeping during the day. In the same day during suppertime I heard the doorbell ringing, I walked out and opened the door. Can you guess who that was? I still cannot believe that Daline can stand up right in front of me and said “I’m sorry Pheak, my mum said I should get marry because she cannot take care of me for that long. She’s getting old and she will retire soon after I am married. I hope you still love me as one of your best friend and we will keep in touch as we always did when you were in Norway for the last two years. I hope you saw the invitation letter that I gave it to mum (my mum). It will be an honor to see you at my wedding.” I would never forget what I heard. A girl who I love and we even has the promise telling me to go to her wedding. About ten minutes later she went back to home. I came back into my house, trying to calm myself down. I remember that I hardly passed that night.

6^th June 2007 at 11:30 PM I decided to go to her wedding without showing any sad emotional expression because it will ruin her best day of her life. When I arrived at the wedding party building both of my legs is shaken up. I got the same feeling with the moment that I saw her wedding invitation letter to me. Khunly my best friends tapped my shoulder and told me “Pheak, if you can’t do it. Please don’t put yourself in hell; we love you my friend”. I nodded at him and replied “I must go to through this or I will live with this feeling forever in my life”. The two reasons that I decided to go is to get over my very self unconsciousness situation that I don’t believe that she is marrying a rich forty years-old man. I also wanted to show her that I still love her as much as before, even though she’s marrying another man I still happy for her. I thought I made the right choice to go to her wedding but what I earned from that was just the biggest pain that I ever felt in my whole life. During her wedding party I didn’t drink any alcohol or eaten any foods, all I remember what I did just looking at her wearing wedding dress. She was so beautiful. She was even more beautiful in the wedding dress. I always had a dream that after all my struggling with studying I would deserve to marry a woman like her. Then everything was just a dream. The dream is over. I am waken up from the dream by the noise of her wedding music that spreading out loud in the air.

Before I got into this unacceptable situation, I planed to have the biggest party to celebrate my first degree abroad with my family, friends and teachers. After all nothing happened, I was in pain almost every night after I went to her wedding. First I thought it would be ok after I went to her wedding so that I will finally realize that she’s now a married woman. It turned me into a sick man with a heart broken staying at home all day doing nothing but listening to all sad music and compose music with my guitar everyday.

15^th June 2007 at lunch time my mum came to me and told me that “Honey, I am your mum, I’m begging you to stop destroying your self, please” After she said she turned back to her work and left me alone to think. I never love anyone more than my mum in my life, that’s all I can tell you. So I choose to fight against my weakness. The first thing I did was shaved my head and collected all the loves notes between Daline and me and put it in the recycling bin. It is not only all these notes remind me about her, it’s all about my soul, my heart and my memory of all the great moment I had with her in the past.

I never try to think about the reason why she’s married with another man and not me. Until 25^th August 2007 at the nighttime, my mum and I were in a hotel in Phnom Penh waiting for the day I leave for Middlebury College. I started to talk to my mum because I heard the wedding music came out from the window of my room and it reminded me about her wedding. I asked my mum “Mum, am I not that handsome for her? Or am I not that good enough to deserve a girl like Daline?” My mum was giggling when I was asking her. She replied with her calm voice “Honey, do you know there must be a reason for any causes in this world. Nothing can happen by it-self. Do you not really understand why Daline got married with that rich man? Rich man. Do you hear me, honey? Look at us, what do we have? A small restaurant, and look at her family, fancy cars, house and cell-phones. That’s why Daline marry him. Mum not saying that she is the one who choose to do so, but her mother is the one, I think. I always hear about her mother when I went shopping at the market that she likes expensive jewel and fancy clothes. She doesn’t care about the price as long as its makes her look the best. You shouldn’t think about it any more honey. Just focus on school and be a good man to who ever you will meet in U.S and make sure their family doesn’t like money as your ex-girlfriend family one. That’s all I can advice you and I will leave the rest to you my dearest honey.”

My mum did wake me up from that unthinkable reason about Daline’s wedding. It wasn’t her fault and the reason she wanted me to go to her wedding is she missed me and she can’t just come and meet me because now she has to follow the traditional law that completely separate the two of us without a good-bye.

27^th August 2007 8:30 PM finally my departed time arrived, my mum face covered with little tear and the rest of my family are smiling at me. My dad wasn’t there because he is a very emotional man according to my mum. My sibling and other relative all advise me to take care of my self, studying hard and keep their faith in me alive. I gave everybody a hug and left. My flied was the longest I ever had in my life. It was 13 Hours from Tokyo to JFK NY. During my flied everyone else were sleeping and I can’t close my eyes because I saw many couples cuddling each other and I stared to feel really bad. I was doing my best to face it and I decided not to bring that feeling up again to my life. I am no longer listening to sad music. I always avoid Cambodian Wedding music and I am not yet ready for another relationship. I decided to take a few years break from it and I will not looking for anyone unless any things I don’t expect happen to me. I still remember her as one of the best dream I ever had. I transform all the pain into a strange that will push to work harder for my education and achieve my entire goal to become a better man in society.

The end